He’s Got 99 Problems… But This Bitch Ain’t One!

Spinster Saturday took us to historic Southend where we didn’t have a lot of luck save one very attractive gentleman who was the lone single man acting as DD for his married buddies. He was a cross between Justin Timberlake and Mr. Schuester but reached 6’3 so I was immediately intrigued! We hit it off and he stayed till close chatting me up, even when his friends decided to walk home. Since he revealed that he never drinks, I trusted him to give me a ride home and after he walked me to my door, he gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek. I pulled out as much swag as I could muster from my drunken haze and put my digits in his phone. He immediately texted me on his way home and we drunkenly (on my part) flirted till we both passed out. Then I got this text message from him the next day:

Hi.  I want to let you know that I won’t call.  Without telling you my whole life, I am in a relationship.  A very confusing one.  I am not single, but I am single.  None of this makes sense I’m sure.  I don’t even know that you care.  But if you do, I know all too well what it is like to be excited and waiting on a phone call, and not get that call, so thought I would be upfront and honest with you so you might not have to feel that.  You seem like a great girl, very smart, and that you have your shit together.  You don’t want me, I’m damaged goods, and would only be wasting your time with me.  Sure this is all very weird to you, just wanted to explain.  It was very nice to have met you, and best of luck to you.  You’ll find a decent one I’m sure of it.

You’re right, but if you’re in a relationship and out flirting with me then I don’t want to waste my time with your damaged goods. And if your married friends were any warning, when they took off their wedding rings to hit on the 20-somethings I should have run. But where, sir, was this honesty when you were hitting on me Saturday night? You cannot blame your indiscretion on alcohol because you were sober!!  As my good friend E says, there are two kinds of people in this world you can’t trust: those who don’t drink and those who collect stickers.  Bottoms up!-M

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